here we are again, witch baby

things that aren’t helpful: being gas-lighted by your philosophy class. getting back into the habit of naps and wasting hours at a time online. living in filth. complete inability to concentrate. jealousy. resentment. falling out of touch with everyone who has had my back. wondering if these are each separate coping mechanisms or if they are each aspects of the same. and then trying to figure out what i am coping with.

things that are helpful: new internship with a fairly high profile coffee table book publisher. rediscovering the consolation of libraries. rediscovering science. letting go of the idea that i need to “fix” how i deal with people. my sister interviewed me for a class about “conceptual thinking” in art, and i discovered that i know my process and goals for the first time; i’m in the right profession. beginning to embrace the idea that my life can include whatever i need it to right now; anything i force in right now will be extraneous.

if i need to remind myself of these things to get myself out of bed every day, then i probably should.